The Many Faces of a Sock Thief
The Jedi Master: "These are not the socks you are looking for. You can go about your business. Move along." This sock thief uses mind tricks to make you forget you ever saw him or your socks.
The Patriot: "I did it for the breed. I admit it. I'm proud of it." This sock thief is not even vaguely sorry he stole the sock and will stand firmly on his right to freely steal.
The Repeat Offender: "Can you please take my mug shot from the side? I look better from this angle. Make sure to focus on the dogs on the socks, too." This sock thief is so used to mugshots by now that he is friends with the police photographer and just wants to make sure the picture shows what a prize he stole.
The Irish Pretender: "Can't you go easy on a fellow Irishman?" This sock thief pretends to be Irish with a blatant Australian accent to get on the good side of the arresting Irish officer.
The Blame-It-On-the-Cows Thief: "Honest, Officer. The cows -- they made me do it! I didn't want to take the sock but then they were looking at me with those big googly eyes and I fell under their spell. The next thing I knew I was standing here with you with this sock in my mouth!" This thief tries to throw the blame on the poor, poor cows. Have you ever seen a cow steal a sock?
Juvenile Delinquent: "I'm just a kid. I can't go to jail! My parents will kill me." Okay, so maybe the cows aren't so innocent. This young thief can easily be swayed to disobey the law under the influence of older, wiser four-legged creatures. Regardless of age, stealing from the hamper is still stealing.
The Jedi Master: "These are not the socks you are looking for. You can go about your business. Move along." This sock thief uses mind tricks to make you forget you ever saw him or your socks.
The Patriot: "I did it for the breed. I admit it. I'm proud of it." This sock thief is not even vaguely sorry he stole the sock and will stand firmly on his right to freely steal.
The Repeat Offender: "Can you please take my mug shot from the side? I look better from this angle. Make sure to focus on the dogs on the socks, too." This sock thief is so used to mugshots by now that he is friends with the police photographer and just wants to make sure the picture shows what a prize he stole.
The Irish Pretender: "Can't you go easy on a fellow Irishman?" This sock thief pretends to be Irish with a blatant Australian accent to get on the good side of the arresting Irish officer.
The Blame-It-On-the-Cows Thief: "Honest, Officer. The cows -- they made me do it! I didn't want to take the sock but then they were looking at me with those big googly eyes and I fell under their spell. The next thing I knew I was standing here with you with this sock in my mouth!" This thief tries to throw the blame on the poor, poor cows. Have you ever seen a cow steal a sock?
Juvenile Delinquent: "I'm just a kid. I can't go to jail! My parents will kill me." Okay, so maybe the cows aren't so innocent. This young thief can easily be swayed to disobey the law under the influence of older, wiser four-legged creatures. Regardless of age, stealing from the hamper is still stealing.
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