Warning Label Needed

I don't think a warning label attached to a cattle dog would do any good because you couldn't squeeze everything you needed to on the label. Every day I learn something new and mostly by my own stupidity. Let me set the stage for you: I'm an overachiever in the academic areas of my life. The rest I just do out of practicality's sake. I hate doing something the hard way. After seven years of working in the shipping industry, I know better than to wait until December to ship my Christmas presents so November is my happy month where I finish shopping, wrapping and shipping before the insane lines start. And so, on November 9th, I am chugging through my piles of Christmas presents which are spread out on our long, low coffee table upstairs in our office. I went downstairs for a drink. I came back at a dead run because I heard the horrible sound of someone gleefully shredding tissue paper. I found Jake in the middle of a rainbow of colors and looking particularly happy with his new toy. I yelled that idiot statement of all dog owner's, "No, Jake, no, bad dog!" He sat back on his haunches and huffed at me. His tongue lolled out to one side with a piece of blue tissue paper soaking wet and stuck as evidence. He didn't look sorry. I knew it was my own fault and removed all of the offending tissue paper to its safe haven in the Rubbermaid tub. Jake left the room to fetch his Cow and rejoined me to watch what interesting toy I might produce next. Little did I know that bubble wrap would incite Jake to all kinds of new mischief. I noticed Jake shaking his head as if to get something off his ears every time I touched a piece of bubble wrap. Since I was wrapping up an entire set of something breakable (can't list in case my friend reads this), Jake's head shaking continued. Each time I reached for a piece of tape, Jake pounced on the tape and tried to pull it off my fingers. Each time I placed the tape on the bubble wrap, Jake darted in to steal it off the wrap. Each time I put down a spare piece of bubble wrap, Jake took of with it dancing that victory skip that all ACDs have. I wasn't annoyed because Jake was having such a fun time but something that would normally take 10 minutes took an hour. I'm glad I could be so entertaining! And then I spilled an entire box of packing peanuts on the floor. I started picking them up one by one and trying to flick them off my fingers where they took up residence. Jake watched this human display of frustration for a while and then darted forward to grab a peanut. I thought he was stealing them but instead he headed for the box and dropped the peanut inside. I realized he was helping me! Jake accidentally bit one and it got stuck on his big canine and all hell broke loose. I was laughing so hard I couldn't quite grab Jake to get the offending peanut off. That's when Jake knocked the entire box of peanuts down the stairs. Jake and I have both had enough of packing peanuts for the day. Moral of the story: Keep your wrapping materials safe from the dog and make sure I know where he is at all times!